On with the list....
10) Dealing with an Insane Boss Without Punching Him in the Face
11) Avoiding Jail When You Punch Your Ex-boss in the Face
To clear up number 11, I didn’t punch him in the face. Had I punched him in the face, I probably would NOT have gotten jail time just because of the stories I’d tell that led up to my punching him in the face. The best way to avoid jail time is to avoid the crime…I feel like I need to document that just in case I ever have to punch him for old times sake.
Mr. Big was the general manager of the company I worked for before I landed my current wonderful position. He was one of the most hated and unrespected men I’d ever met. (My spell check says “unrespected” is not a word. Webster never met Mr. Big.) He only kept the position because he owned 25% of the company and the VP was his brother.
Ah, he was quite a character, our Mr. Big; a big, long-horned bull ready to charge at the slightest provocation. His main function was to fill vending machines and order a supply. Yes, that’s correct: ONE supply. Granted, that particular supply kept the business going, but it didn’t take long to order a truck load or two every week. OK, yes, he did take on various other temporary functions along the way; “temporary” because he was rarely consistent, and someone else had to pick up the slack.
We never knew when he might show up for work. It could be as early as 6 a.m. or as late as 10. One thing for certain is that when he got there, we all knew it. Often, within minutes, he would be in a profanity peppered shouting match with someone. Or, he would be asking for something irrelevant that no one had time to do, like type a separate spreadsheet for every invoice that the company owed because he couldn’t understand the standard reports from the accounting software used to manage the company.
He and I had many rounds. He would get so mad I could almost see steam coming from his little red ears, for things like my refusal to spend half a day typing a spreadsheet of every invoice for the month, when I had just handed him a report with that very information. He would stand in my office yelling, working himself up into a lather. He was a big man, and he would jump up and down with his rants. Once, he jerked the papers I was working on from my desk, wadded them up, and threw them back at me.
There was a time or two he caught my eye from across the conference room, and he would mouth “I hate you.” It was comical. He drew his fist back at me once; that was not comical. Later that month, I heard he was taking anger management classes. With those classes, he became even more condescending; unfortunately. He was back to his normal daily trouble-causing self within a short period of time. I worked there for 8 years. I don’t know why, either.
He almost did get that punch in the face one night. Had it not been for four guys holding him back, one of the nightshift guys would punched him good. Or killed him. As the others were holding him back Mr. Big fired the guy, then locked himself in his office and stayed there all night until we came in the next morning. When Brother VP got in, Mr. Big started to cry. I don’t think he bothered the night crew (which he’d hired from the work release center) anymore.
There were some not so bad days (two or three of them) with Mr. Big. He could act like a human being when he tried, but he didn’t try too often. Even though he created constant grief, I have some very fond memories of the place. There are some very good people working there, and have worked there for many, many years. It’s one of the worst jobs to have in North Alabama, and the guys that do jobs like that deserve a lot more respect and money than they get from Mr. Big.