Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Who Do You Think You Are?


I’m self-diagnosed AADD and a little OCD; therefore, sitting down to write isn’t always easy, and often, reading is even harder for me to accomplish.   It’s not that I can’t read or write, obviously.  My mind is constantly shooting thought darts, and every so often, I land a bulls-eye and come up with a new idea, a new poem, a new doodle.   A new blog post…

Have I ever been deeply personal in this blog?   I know I share my complaints, my sarcasm, my photos, and my political leanings…and I hope I share my Jesus enough that you know without a shadow of a doubt where I stand on Who is in control…but I read other blogs where people share (sometimes too much of) their lives, and I find those are usually blogs I revisit. 

For me, “deeply personal” would involve talking about my weight, and how it has affected all of my life.   My size has been a factor for me for as long as I remember.   When I was a child, I was “too tall.”   As a teenager, I was “too tall and too big.”    Looking back at old pictures now, I realize that I looked fine, but no one could have convinced me of that then.  I wasted years thinking I was too fat; then I wasted years being too fat.   It’s a shame that I have spent a whole life being unhappy with who I am, basing “who” I am on how I look.  We are more than our physical appearance.

These pictures were taken when I was 15 years old.
I was already deep in the throes of self loathing.
Me2Circa1979MeCirca1979

I based my self-worth on my appearance; no one should do that.  Even in this blog, while I've joked about my chronic dieting, I've never talked frankly and openly about just how much my weight has affected every aspect of my life.  I have felt that people, those of you who don’t know me personally who are dropping by to read my words, would think less of me if you fully understood that I am, indeed, overweight.  

My size doesn’t define me.   Neither does my height, my weight, or the color of my hair or eyes.   It doesn’t define you, either.  There are people who will be mean to others because of how they look, how they walk, something they see as differences, but others’ comments about us (or to us) do not define us, either.   What we believe about ourselves will cause us to define ourselves differently than how God defines us.  I intend to find out who I am in Him.

4 comments:

  1. You are the apple of his eye, you are co-heir to Jesus, you are deeply loved; it is good to continue to know and learn how he defines you :)

    betty

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  2. I always wonder WHY we start to self loath. I believe there's an evil that wears the Children of God's spirit down. Subtle, yet effective. Got to keep our armor up everyday, every minute.

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  3. Oh. Somehow I missed this post until now.Sorry.

    Margaret, I looked at those pictures. I looked twice at the bathing suit shot.

    If you had really based your self-worth on your appearance, you would have had the best self-worth in your school. Really. You were beautiful. I'm not just being nice or spiritual. You..were..beautiful. Look at those skinny arms. You can't be fat with arms like that. Not to mention the rest of your figure, which was stunning.

    II don't know who or what kept you from seeing how shapely you were, but it was an untruth to the point of being diabolical. (I know that sounds dramatic, but I am quite serious.) Just look at that picture again, as tho it were not you.

    Deb

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  4. Brilliant post. Oh, if only most of us knew at that age just how we really looked. It seems to be a byproduct of our teenage years that we can't grasp it.

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