Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I Inadvertently Obeyed God...


I inadvertently obeyed God and He showed me a thing or two about myself. 

Part 1

At a young age, I had self-image issues that revolved around food.  As an adult, each passing year saw me grow in more than just age.  I rode the weight roller coaster for years, up and down, up and down.   The ups were always much higher than the downs, when it came to numbers.

 photo Lily.jpg
Lilies (2012) Killen, Alabama
When I first started praying about this issue some ten years ago, I was desperate, and felt very alone, and very ignored by God when I wasn’t seeing immediate or lasting results.  When I say I was desperate, I really was.  I was in the grips of something so heavy (pun not intended) that I couldn’t see clearly enough to get loose.  I didn’t even know where the door was!  Nor could I see any light at the end of the tunnel. 

Mine was a life of hopelessness, discouragement and despair.   Going to bed disgusted by another day of gorging and walking up hating one’s self is no way to live.  Some people can accept their size, like themselves anyway, and live.   Not me.   It affected every area of my life, even my walk with Christ.

People who have never had a problem with food obsession absolutely cannot understand the plight of the morbidly obese, and most have fixed ideas as to why we are the way we are.   How can others understand what we, ourselves, cannot explain?  Well-meaning people have plenty of advice; to them, the answer is so simple.  To the overweight, it is anything but simple.   It’s a vicious cycle of heartbreak, failure, and self-loathing.

 photo Red.jpg
Lily (2012) Killen, Alabama
Like so many others, I tried over the counter diet pills, prescription diet pills, various and sundry diets, Weight Watchers, Weight Watchers, Weight Watchers…did I mention Weight Watchers? Atkins (Yes, I’ve tried low carb before, who knew that sugar laden weekends “off” would sabotage even the strongest uninformed dieter?) I went to three different counselors, bless their hearts!  They really tried. 

 photo YellowSunflowersEnhanced.jpg
Sunflowers from by back yard.
I played with them in my
photo editor.  I must be
ready for Spring!
After I started praying about this prison from which I so desperately wanted escape, I tried countless different ways to make freedom happen.  I failed every time!   My efforts at dieting were futile.  But I always believed, even in my most hopeless hour, I believed.   There were moments when I asked myself if I’d missed it…was I believing only what I wanted to happen?  There was a part of me that knew…deep in my heart, I knew...that there was freedom from these chains, because God spoke to my heart one day during prayer and told me He would give me new dancing feet and freedom.   

Read Part 2

5 comments:

  1. I hear what your saying. Until people have walked in your shoes or mine. They do not understand completely but I believe they still have compassion. Only we close ourselves. I do for others have compassion but I do applaud to those who are free from those prisons of obesity. I dont know how hard it must feel like to push and not achieve being big ladies or men. It must be terrible but I care for them even though they are strangers. When they tell how they ache or walk the streets to be thin and people stare and say out loud cruel names. That must really hurt. Yet I applaud for there bravery to go on. Then you have others who do not lose for medical reasons but we must care about them. Pray that the Lord will show them . A different way or just show them they are worthy. Everyone is worthy. We must love ourselves as how can we love others.

    I enjoy your blog. Waiting for more.

    I asked the Lord many years ago to get thinner myself. I was not getting anywhere neither. I seemed to be against the wall. He heard me but also a disease occured when I loss weight that I really thought asking to lose weight was a bg miss on my part. My story is complicated but the Lord has put me back on my feet. He shows me daily. He is in control of my life and he loves me dearly . Also to be healthy he has shown me and then when I get the strength I move on to do physcial things.

    He was there always for me but his time is not always my time. His reason may be different then my thinking. For sure. Yes he does give us dancing feet if we hang on. Do not be afraid. He is a loving God. What would I do with out him.

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  2. You expressed, so articulately, what i have lived.

    And, yes, there is freedom!

    Deb

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  3. It is so neat that you are getting the freedom God promised to you; it does confirm the fact that God keeps his word!

    our ladies' retreat this year is going to be on freedom

    betty

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  4. Looking forward to part 2. I think this is going to have a happy ending. Can't wait to read about it!

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  5. Oh, Margaret, God bless you. I appreciate your integrity and vulnerability. I am so sorry you've had this life-long struggle. While we all have something that besets us, weight issues have to be among the most embarrassing and susceptible to prejudicial judgment. Keep pressing on, sister. Thank you for posting this.

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