I inadvertently obeyed God and He showed me a thing or two about myself.
At a young age, I had self-image issues that revolved around food. As an adult, each passing year saw me grow in more than just age. I rode the weight roller coaster for years, up and down, up and down. The ups were always much higher than the downs, when it came to numbers.
When I first started praying about this issue some ten years ago, I was desperate, and felt very alone, and very ignored by God when I wasn’t seeing immediate or lasting results. When I say I was desperate, I really was. I was in the grips of something so heavy (pun not intended) that I couldn’t see clearly enough to get loose. I didn’t even know where the door was! Nor could I see any light at the end of the tunnel.
Mine was a life of hopelessness, discouragement and despair. Going to bed disgusted by another day of gorging and walking up hating one’s self is no way to live. Some people can accept their size, like themselves anyway, and live. Not me. It affected every area of my life, even my walk with Christ.
People who have never had a problem with food obsession absolutely cannot understand the plight of the morbidly obese, and most have fixed ideas as to why we are the way we are. How can others understand what we, ourselves, cannot explain? Well-meaning people have plenty of advice; to them, the answer is so simple. To the overweight, it is anything but simple. It’s a vicious cycle of heartbreak, failure, and self-loathing.
|Lily (2012) Killen, Alabama|
Like so many others, I tried over the counter diet pills, prescription diet pills, various and sundry diets, Weight Watchers, Weight Watchers, Weight Watchers…did I mention Weight Watchers? Atkins (Yes, I’ve tried low carb before, who knew that sugar laden weekends “off” would sabotage even the strongest uninformed dieter?) I went to three different counselors, bless their hearts! They really tried.
|Sunflowers from by back yard.|
I played with them in my
photo editor. I must be
ready for Spring!
After I started praying about this prison from which I so desperately wanted escape, I tried countless different ways to make freedom happen. I failed every time! My efforts at dieting were futile. But I always believed, even in my most hopeless hour, I believed. There were moments when I asked myself if I’d missed it…was I believing only what I wanted to happen? There was a part of me that knew…deep in my heart, I knew...that there was freedom from these chains, because God spoke to my heart one day during prayer and told me He would give me new dancing feet and freedom.
Read Part 2
Read Part 2