Friday, October 11, 2013

Friday Flashback

(A repeat of an (updated) previous entry)

Middle Age Ain’t All It’s Cracked up to be...I now have trifocals

What are the perks of middle age, anyway?   There must be some, or none of us would do it, right?   Hitting middle age brings about symptoms called “peri-menopause” (translation:  "Men, oh, beware").  Apparently, it is at this phase of our lives “middle age” becomes “middle rage” because our moods can get vicious volatile in the way of a happy relationship.    Or any relationship.  Your relationship with your kids, your husband, and your dog can change.   You may even notice a difference in the way the local grocery store cashier reacts to interacts with you, especially if the store is out of the right type of chocolate chip cookie.   It certainly isn’t your fault, by the way, that folks are suddenly driving you completely nuts, and you have to deal with it by knocking a few woolly warts on their heads.  (Use extreme caution doing this to people you don’t know, or co-workers who may strike you back.   Or grocery store cashiers.  Plus, I am fairly certain that “I’m menopausal” is not a viable criminal courtroom defense.)

According to my body research,
Peri-menopause symptoms include:

Hot Flashes
Sleep Problems
Mood Changes
Bladder problems

Did I mention perks earlier?   You can forget certain perks…like your chest.   Won’t be any perkiness there, unless you’ve gone the way of silicon, and to be truthful, I have my doubts about perky silicon.    And let’s not talk about what the doctors want to do to said perky-less chest.   On my first smashomammogram, I lost whatever innocence I may have had left.  It was an eye-opener.   A WIDE eye opener, wide in surprise that a boob could be that smashed that flat and not blow out.

Men have to deal with these things, too, only they call it Mid-Life Crisis.  (I don’t think certain parts of their anatomy are smashed flat in a vice-like contraption, though.   They couldn’t handle it anyway; they would squeal like little girls have to be coma induced.)   I don’t know too much about men’s symptoms; Ole Boy never seemed to hit MLC mode.  Perhaps I was too busy with my own changing moods and fiery flashes that I forgot to notice.   Or, I was possibly too drowsy from my lack of sleep due to my middle-of-the-night bathroom treks. 

And my eyes!!    Three pairs of glasses: bifocals, trifocals and computer glasses, and I still squint!   Or, I have to switch out all three pairs for one task!   And there are times when no glasses are better than any of the three.   I have been known to put on two pairs at the same time…NOT because I was having a senior moment...but because I couldn’t see!   And it worked….which led me to the sad realization that it might be time for another vision test.  

There are perks to middle age, I know.  Benefits that don’t have anything to do with body aches, bladders, weight gain, hot flashes or moods swings, like taking your vacation at any time during the year, not just around school schedules.   To be honest, I’ve had it pretty easy compared to horror stories I’ve heard.   Besides, if my moods are any worse than they used to be, Ole Boy is too scared hasn’t mentioned it.   

Have a great weekend!!


  1. Wait until you hit 50. Then it really goes down hill. But you summed it up pretty well. I, too, didn't have it bad going through the change. I didn't have the drenching hot sweats like some women had, but had the occasional hot flash. Worse problem is the weight that easily came off in the 40s refuses to budge in the 50s.

    You too have a good weekend!


    1. I am not very far a'tall from 50! I don't dread it, but I am not looking forward to it. I don't even want to talk about weight. lol

  2. I went through surgical menopause at 30. I am now 54. I am still having these problems...*sigh*...except for the mood changes! I ust have to deal with everyone else's. LOL

    1. I don't think I do too well with others' moods! I have enough time keeping my own in check! lol Thanks, Ann

  3. If you email me your address, I will mail Fear book to you.

  4. My wife is at this stage. I feel so 2 seconds flat she goes from burning hot to ice cold and then back again. And you're right, I wouldn't want my stuff squished flat. Doc would have to kill me first.

  5. You forgot to mention the hair growth in places a woman doesn't want it...middle age is such fun!

    1. ...and I didn't mention that a once healthy head of hair is suddenly a head full of straw!


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