Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Choosing My Obsession & Standing my Ground

Weight loss often eludes me.  I can be derailed by a Girl Scout cookie...to be truthful...the whole box of cookies.  Is polishing off a bag of chips because I already ate too many cookies acceptable behavior?   No?  I didn’t think so.

It is insane how food/weight obsession destroys a person from the inside out!   It is also very misunderstood because "normal" folks can't fathom why we don't just "stop doing that."  When we fail, we beat ourselves down with guilt until we slide down that very wide channel that leads straight to The Pit, where hopelessness, despair, and discouragement claw at us like the demons they are.

I say “we” because I am not in this pit alone.
I don’t plan to stay here.
I hope no one else does, either.

The Pit is a cesspool of tormented thinking, where we tear ourselves down until we have absolutely no faith in ourselves and little faith in God.   Those of us in the pit who have prayed and prayed diligently for relief, deliverance…freedom…feel ignored by God.   I wish had concrete answers.

Oh, wait.  I do.

I have to quit making it about the weight loss!
Well, yes, of course, I know it is about weight loss,
but the real culprit is the obsession.
Get rid of the food obsession, the weight loss will follow. 

Too often, when trying to lose weight, we will trade one obsession for another.   When we are consumed by every calorie/fat gram/carbohydrate that goes into our mouths, carefully following our new plan to the letter, we do not have freedom.  What we have is temporary and limited success.  And we have insanity.  The bigger the success (the more weight loss) the harder the fall (regain).   Then we punish ourselves, our weapons of choice being more food and more guilt, because what better way to remain in this vicious cycle but to feed it?    

Some of you reading this really, truly understand what I am saying.  You know the heartbreak of obesity, obsession, and addiction. 

You know what it’s like to trade a food obsession for a diet pill obsession (perhaps you think that’s the only way you can lose weight)...
  • Or alcohol. 
  • Or sex.  
  • Or spending 92% of our day planning what we can or cannot eat.
  • Or…whatever
And as long as we are relying on the same way of doing something that never worked long-term in the past, it probably won’t work long-term in the future. 

What I know is this:  We will have to find something that we can live with for the rest of our lives.  Can I go without sugar, fast food, bread, etc., for the rest of my life?  Yes, truthfully, I suppose it is possible to live that way, but will I?  I know can I work my way up to exercising two to three hours a day or walking 15 miles a week, but that is not doable for me for the rest of my life.  (I hate exercise!  I am willing to admit I do need some…but I recognize that extreme exercise will never work for me.)  Better slow and steady with a few bumps than to get derailed completely because I ate a cheeseburger and fries. 

Sugar?  That’s another story.  As I already mentioned…one Girl Scout cookie means the whole box, and if the truth be told, two boxes in as many days.  Sugar addiction is real, my friends.

How can we get out of this vortex of self-loathing and binge eating? 
How, indeed?   We are feel beaten and weary.  
Weary, I tell ya!
But we cannot believe everything we feel because feelings lie.
Tomorrow is March 1.   I am going to choose my obsession and stand my ground.  It’s just one day.  I can do all things with Christ giving me strength, and I only have to deal with One. Day. At. A. Time.  

Today’s preparation: 
I will remind myself strongly that I am not worthless just because I don’t like how I look or feel.
…Or because of what others say or think, or what I think they think.
I will remember to not worry about tomorrow.
I will cut bitterness and unforgiveness loose, even toward myself. 
I will recognize that I do not have to rely on myself, but remember that I can always rely on God.
I will read Psalm 51, out loud, and mean every word.
I will demand that this pit release its grip on me, and…
I will ask God to pull me from The Pit, fully believing that He will.
Believing is the important part. 

I choose my obsession:   
Scripture memorization.   
Here is a passage from my own Bible, a very good place to start:

As an afterthought:
The Pit is a real place, and it is a horrible place to be.  It's where our identities are stolen and we believe the worst of the lies about ourselves.  It's where we question God's goodness and love.  It's where we drown in the mire of hopelessness.   It's a dark place, and it's very easy to slip into and extremely hard to get out of...until you realize that God is listening and His hand is already stretched out.   But when we are sinking in the quicksand, it's so much easier to believe His hand is not there, and that we are truly on our own.  I know what I'm talking about...I know it all too excruciatingly well.  The first step is making the decision to get out of the pit.  I have to believe...it really is as simple as that...Faith as small as a mustard seed that God will meet me right where I am.   To believe anything else would be one more lie.   Jesus died to set me free, and who the Son has set free is free indeed.  If I remain in the pit, it's my choice, and I choose to leave the pit behind me and the lies under my feet.

So I say it out loud...and type it here as a proclamation...


  1. Keep visual cues around you of scripture and write out statements of how God thinks of you and sees you so when you catch yourself going into a negative way of thinking, read the "positives" of how God thinks of you and how valued and loved you are by him. Its a retraining of your mind with the work of the Holy Spirit but very doable and it doesn't lead to obsession. And yes one day at a time (sometimes one hour at a time) is the attitude we need to adopt.


    1. I do that...especially at work. My flesh is already rebelling...

  2. To this whole post: YEAH & AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Hey. Just wanted to let you know how you've blessed me with Psalm 103 this afternoon. It has always been a favorite psalm for a number reasons, not least of which wah that whole satisfy my mouth with good things part. But, today, it was special. I was repeating the "youth renewed" part over and over again.

    I've been having a lot of trouble since my cardiac cath. A lot.. A few hours afterwards, I began t see hallucinations. Yeah. At first, I thought it was from the double dose of fentynal they gave me and was unconcerned. The next day, bunches of pretty flowers kept floating thru the air. I looked it up on the computer and there I found an exact description of these particular hallucinations and that they were a rare, very rare, side effect of a cardiac cath that wuld resolve itself in about a week without treatment. So, I felt better and marched on. Felt no stress at all.

    And, then, a few days after the cath I mentioned it to the cardio md at my f/u appt.. He told me that he had never heard of such a thing. From some of his comments it seemed he thought I was experiencing an early-onset of a form of dementia that is accompanied by hallucinations (Lewy body), th he didn't say that directly. He doesn't know I'm a mental health professional, so he wouldn't have expected me to read between the lines. He told me that I had "no cardiac problems at all" and he didn't now who to handle hallucinations. I ought to see a neurologist and have a CT. Well, okay then.

    TBR, I still truly believe this is from the contrast dye used in the cardiac cath. But he has freaked me out.

    The hallucinations seem to be going away. They are still here, but less frequent and less distinct. And that's where you and Psalm 103 came in today.

    I was scrubbing the kitchen and playroom floors...and kept seeing hallucinations trying to form on the floor as I looked at it to scrub. Each time, I recalled Psalm 103 and asked Jesus to renew the youth of my eyes, to restore them to what they had been before the cath.

    Recalling Psalm 1003 gave me great comfort and prayer power. Thanks for that. You were right on time.


    1. I'm so sorry about the issues! I believe it's from the dye, too. Those chemicals can do a number on the human body. I will agree with you about renewing the youth of your eyes! To restore them back to where they were before the retinopathy! Thanks for sharing your heart.


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